Our gurgling, smiling, laughing boy

Wow wow wow, what a week! Yesterday we had my niece's 'Coming of Age' 13th birthday celebration - all her family gathered in her garden in a circle to give her their wishes for the future and to guide her under a human arch and through a beautiful arbour her dad had made - the first steps to womanhood. This was incredibly emotional, I can still remember lying my head on my sister's bump 13 years ago and talking to my niece in utero. Now she is this incredibly funny, bright, witty, wise and articulate beauty, and she literally makes my heart surge with love. What an honour it is to witness children growing up. Yesterday felt special because my sister took time to create a ceremony to mark this transition and it gave all of us the chance to stop and reflect and honour this beautiful being.

Today, we met our little boy's social worker for the first time. We'd got up at six am to blitz the house (it was a crazy mess as we'd both made gifts for my niece - R a table and a candleholder and me some knitted wrist warmers and an embroidered shawl - and there was literally stuff EVERYWHERE!) and she arrived with our SW at 9am. She was warm and friendly from the off, and we liked her immediately. We further warmed to her when she made a big fuss of our dog. She seemed to 'get' us, our lifestyle choices, why we have created such a simple life so we can pursue our creative interests. She also understood our choices about living in nature and getting outside every day, and not having TV or other distractions to our time together. We have frequently met with questioning and incredulity about our lifestyle, and it felt so affirming for someone to just understand us in this really compassionate way without us having to explain ourselves 100 times. She understood that we chose this way of life because of how we wanted to bring up our children, and how important it was to us that they had a really hands-on, playful, nurturing, outdoorsy, warm kind of childhood with both of us sharing parenting and plenty of time for reading by the fire, cooking together, growing veg together, going on walks, playing endless games, rockpooling, camping...all the fun things we share with our nieces and have envisaged for our own children. So - WOOO HOOOO - she understands us! Which made us feel buzzy and happy.

Then we watched a video of the little guy. I can't really explain what this felt like. Those of you who've been there will know the enormous and overwhelming rush of love, the tears, the laughter, the urge to reach into the computer screen and just touch - to draw your future child to you. It's an extraordinary experience, like being Tiny Tim and looking in at cosy windows, but with the knowledge that soon this will be the face you wake up to, this will be the gurgling laughter that will light up your lives, this will be the little body you dress and hold close, this little person will grow up with you as mum and dad. I'm still emotional when I think about it. Just seeing him laugh when he's tickled, and playing thoughtfully with his toys and gazing at the camera and pulling at his toes - it made it all so amazingly, mind-blowingly real. His SW let us watch the video several times as she needed to take it away after, but we will get a copy hopefully this week. I can tell we will watch it permanently!

Off to panel on Wednesday...then meeting his foster carers on Friday.