It's been so long since I wrote a post on here I toyed with not doing it at all. But I was reading my friend's new blog about bringing her adorable new daughter home from hospital and it reminded me how much I got out of writing my own blog. I started a few others over the last year but it was this one that provided an outlet for my feelings on all the ups and downs of the past five years. So I'm back!!
R and I have moved to the most incredible house... perched on a cliff with panoramic views of the sea. Truly an incredible place to wake up every day and we thank our lucky stars. It's not an easy kind of life - we don't have mains electricity so rely on sporadic wind and solar power and hundreds upon hundreds of candles! Which is rather romantic actually. And we don't have mains heating or hot water so we rely on a big old-fashioned coal-powered range and wood burner and freeze the rest of the time! When we wake in the morning, the cold takes your breath away. But then you go through to the kitchen and there's the sea, majestic and vast and too incredible for words. In stormy weather (of which there's been rather a lot lately!) the waves go up and over the house, and thump up against the sea wall, making the foundations of the house shake. It is truly elemental and like nothing I've ever experienced before. So the change in our lives has been extraordinary, and unexpected, and fun. And wow, the sense of space after living on a boat! Here we have so much room to spread out. We also have a spare bedroom which leads me on to my next piece of news...
We've - finally - started the adoption process! We attempted to start it last year just as we were moving onto the boat but were dropped like hot potatoes by our local authority when they found out about our new living arrangements. So, when we moved here in August, we got in touch with a new adoption agency and they conducted their first home study. We were nervous about what they would say about the house but they seemed confident we could make it a special place for a child to grow up. It's a slow process -we first got in touch in August and it took them until October to offer us a place on an introductory meeting. Then the first home visit, when we frantically cleaned and put up photos everywhere of us being super aunty and uncle with our nieces and godchildren! After this meeting, they told us we would have to wait until Jan for the next adoption workshops to start and we were despondant and low after that. It took it out of us a bit, all the probing and questioning and the sense that, basically, they were looking for the stuff that was 'wrong' rather than what was right, going through our whole life histories up to this point and pulling apart episodes from tumultuous teen years. But I know we have to be prepared for that as that meeting was only the beginning and the home study will go in much deeper. And, shortly after, we received the initial meeting write-up which we had to check and send back and we were really touched by all the little things the social worker noticed about us as a couple and who we were. Yes, there's some big stuff from our pasts but they did temper it with all the things we have done since then and how close we are etc. We were ridiculously excited to get the report and have been so since then. It really feels like it's happening now and I have this crazy wild idea that I can't shake that somehow 2012 will be our year. Imagining being a parent this time next year, and preparing for Christmas, sends me into frenzies of excitement!
We're well aware that it won't neccessarily be an easy ride - they said to us that they're not just looking for parents, 'but special parents' and there are all the reasons why children need to be adopted - the abuse, neglect, drug problems etc. And then there's the interaction with the birth families and how that might feel, for both us and our child. But nonetheless, I feel like this will be the most wonderful journey and we will relish being parents so much after the ups and downs to get here - what an incredible blessing it will be when we finally get to bring our child home! My best friend is adopted and she sent me the most wonderful email from Africa, where she works running a children's hostel. This is a little bit of it that made my heart feel full:
'Even though that might seem very scary for you, I also know that you and R convey a strength that I don't think I see in anyone but my parents. Your relationship is built on an energy that reaches out to all around you. I'm in awe of the life you have made for yourselves, it's so intoxicating and full of happiness and health, in more ways that one. I don't just mean 'health' in its most obvious form, but god the laughter and the knowing-ness that you guys know whatever happens things will work out well. That's also health, a healthy approach to life. Your extended family too, will be a huge contribution to the whole decision and process. I love the connection you all have, and others see this too, just show them a few family videos! They will support this whole process and what joy it will bring everyone! I don't remember myself but I'm often told of what a joyous time it was when I suddenly arrived, so wanted, for all around my family it was apparently a time of huge happiness. You deserve this, and you'll make the most wonderful mum! O my gosh! Can I have some of that please! Your entire approach to life will rub off on those little souls, as it does to all around you, and they will bathe in that like happy little growing pockets of joy.'
On that beautiful note from a dear and special friend I'll end this post. I hope you're all doing well whatever is happening in your respective lives. I think I'll catch up on some of your blogs now! I'll keep you updated as we go along...watch this space!
Monday 19 December 2011
Friday 18 February 2011
The magic of Family Constellations
So we're officially here and still alive! We've not fallen into the sea...yet. Happy new year one and all! I just wanted to write a quick post on the back of the most amazing weekend R and I shared. A year or so ago one of my clients went on a Healing the Ancestors shamanic course and, knowing mine and R's long journey to have babies, he discreetly recommended we do it. I forgot all about it until a while ago when on a whim I booked us on the course, balking a little at the cost but hoping it would be helpful.
Well....yowzers...powerful, mind-blowing stuff, my friends! It is based on family constellations (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Constellations), work devised by psychotherapist Bert Hellinger to release and heal family patterns. There were about 23 of us in the group and we opened with some deep shamanic work and chanting so we were in quite powerful states when we began the constellations. Basically, you choose several members of the group to represent members of your family and our incredible healer group facillitator divined what was going on in each 'constellation' and found ways to resolve deep-rooted problems, some which went back many generations. I know I'm doing an awful job describing it and anyone who's done it is probably thinking 'what are you talking about it?!' but I think it is some of the most intense and powerful healing I have witnessed in my life (and hey, I've done a lot of courses, met many people in my line of work and experienced some lovely magic in my time). I can't recommend it highly enough.
R got to meet the spirits of his brother and sisters who were miscarried before he was born. He bent down to honour them and Jill, our magic-weaving facillitator, asked him to say to them 'I honour you as my brother/sister. Just because you died doesn't mean I can't have children.' I was awed by the fact this woman did not know us or our issues and yet had divined that this was the healing that needed doing. Needless to say, we cried buckets and R has been in a state of peace since - as an only child, he has alwasy felt an awful weight of responsibility which has now lifted.
Since the course, we have floated around, been thoughtful and peaceful and grateful. It seems that magic was abroad over that weekend and we must wait and see what happens. There is a sense of deep release.
Perhaps this all sounds a little mad and flakey to some. I know that there was a time when I just wasn't open to healing like this but now I just feel grateful that there are people like Jill willing to work on such a deep level to heal human consciousness and help us find ways to live more beautiful, aware and fulfilled lives. I thought I'd throw it out there anyway in case it resonates with anyone who has family stuff going on that might be affecting their potential to become parents. Happy seeking dear ones!
Well....yowzers...powerful, mind-blowing stuff, my friends! It is based on family constellations (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Constellations), work devised by psychotherapist Bert Hellinger to release and heal family patterns. There were about 23 of us in the group and we opened with some deep shamanic work and chanting so we were in quite powerful states when we began the constellations. Basically, you choose several members of the group to represent members of your family and our incredible healer group facillitator divined what was going on in each 'constellation' and found ways to resolve deep-rooted problems, some which went back many generations. I know I'm doing an awful job describing it and anyone who's done it is probably thinking 'what are you talking about it?!' but I think it is some of the most intense and powerful healing I have witnessed in my life (and hey, I've done a lot of courses, met many people in my line of work and experienced some lovely magic in my time). I can't recommend it highly enough.
R got to meet the spirits of his brother and sisters who were miscarried before he was born. He bent down to honour them and Jill, our magic-weaving facillitator, asked him to say to them 'I honour you as my brother/sister. Just because you died doesn't mean I can't have children.' I was awed by the fact this woman did not know us or our issues and yet had divined that this was the healing that needed doing. Needless to say, we cried buckets and R has been in a state of peace since - as an only child, he has alwasy felt an awful weight of responsibility which has now lifted.
Since the course, we have floated around, been thoughtful and peaceful and grateful. It seems that magic was abroad over that weekend and we must wait and see what happens. There is a sense of deep release.
Perhaps this all sounds a little mad and flakey to some. I know that there was a time when I just wasn't open to healing like this but now I just feel grateful that there are people like Jill willing to work on such a deep level to heal human consciousness and help us find ways to live more beautiful, aware and fulfilled lives. I thought I'd throw it out there anyway in case it resonates with anyone who has family stuff going on that might be affecting their potential to become parents. Happy seeking dear ones!
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