The top ten things I can do because I'm not pregnant!

Over the years of trying to conceive, and then choosing adoption, it is easy to focus on the negatives. In fact, our SW asked us the other day 'where we were on not having our own kids'. Not an easy question to answer, but interestingly, we'd just come back from a happy and relaxed week away with my pregnant friend and felt pretty chilled about the whole thing. I've spent most of my working life either researching pregnancy and birth, or supporting pregnant and birthing women and new mums. It's not without a sense of irony that I glance up at bookshelves heaving with books on natural birth and breastfeeding (though I've now, with a sense of release, donated these to my pregnant friend). However, adoption it is, so I see no point in dwelling on what might have been. This morning at my yoga class, I was suddenly struck by all the things I could do that pregnant women can't, such as:

1). Get really physically fit for motherhood. No struggling with a post-birth body that's stretched and torn and tired, and with leaky and aching breasts. In fact, I can enjoy my runs and bend in all sorts of complicated poses in yoga with a sense of freedom.
2). Share feeds with my husband. We've discussed shifts in the night, and taking it in turns throughout the day. Whilst breastfeeding is something I am passionate about, I can still see the benefits of not having to deal with sore and swollen breasts, constant feeding, mastitis, cracked nipples, or feeling like a milk machine. This is purely selfish as I know that breast milk is the best food for babies, but hey, today I'm looking at the positives!
3). Be able to travel where I want, when I want. Not that I'm thinking of jetting off to Barbados (but can I, Mr Bank Manager, please?!) but the fact I can if I want to, right up to until the 'due date' feels good.
4). Eat whatever I want. Soft cheeses and sushi anyone?
5). Not be beholden to the swing and sway of my hormones. As women, we are biologically programmed to release certain hormones at certain points in our lives, and new motherhood is when we are awash with them to help us bond, feed and connect with our babies. So I'm hoping that those good hormones will kick in (I've read that they're released simply by being around a baby) but of course I won't be entirely governed by them in the run up, fractious, tearful and unable to think clearly.
6). I can work however and whenever I like. I work from home so my hours are flexible anyway, but the fact I'm not sitting at my desk with fluid retention and an aching back is surely a bonus.
7). No physical pregnancy strain. Old back problems not triggered by carrying a bump around. No fluid retention, morning sickness, back ache, pelvic pain, urinary problems, aching joints, stretch marks etc. etc. Of course, I know not every pregnant woman suffers from these things but through my work, I've seen quite a few who do!
8). Sleep as much as I possibly can right up until the 'due date'. No tossing and turning trying to get comfortable or getting up 100 times in the night to have a wee. No night-time frets about the birth.
9). Though I was actually looking forward to giving birth, for the sake of my new perspective, I'll add in that I don't have to make birth plans, worry that caregivers won't stick to them, worry that some unforeseen circumstances will unravel everything I'd hoped for, or fret about medical complications. I believe in healthy birth but you know, at least I don't have to worry that I'd have to eat my words and the last decade of saying that!
10). Celebrate our panel day and other summer festivities with a few drinks. Not that I'm much of a drinker, but I can if I want to! So I might plan a night out with friends after panel and get a bit tiddly just because, well, I can!

So there are my top ten reasons why I'm pleased to be adopting and not pregnant right now - the silver lining to our situation...

yoga positions and lovely husbands

Lucky me - I had a visit from an amazing Scaravelli yoga teacher friend yesterday who came to my house to teach me some postures for opening up the pelvis (as this seems to be a running theme from all the alternative practitioners I have consulted). Lying on my horrifyingly grubby carpet aside (how could I not have realised how bad it is until I'm facedown on it?), it was a wonderful morning leaving me feeling restored and energised. I am going to practise some of the postures every day in an attempt to get energy flowing more freely throughout my pelvis. I keep promising myself I'll use the hula hoop R bought me to loosen up too but found it confoundingly difficult to keep the thing spinning around my waist (stuck, moi?). My neices took to it like a duck to water, reminding me how free and unfettered our childhood bodies are until we get them all locked and blocked with our stuff.

R's second sperm test is on September 18th - I am really holding out hope as I feel he has been amazingly committed to improving his testicular health. An avid cyclist, he used to cycle about 26 miles a day (a 13 mile commute to and from work) in all winds and weathers. He now sets off walking to the station every morning despite having to get up at the crack of dawn and has done for nearly 3 months now. Though not really a heavy drinker, he has cut drinking down to a sporadic ale with friends and I have admired his complete resolve when we have been at parties or festivals over the summer. He has also been taking a (very expensive - he nearly fell off his chair when he saw how much good supplements cost!) supplement that helps boost sperm health from Biocare. Surely all of this will have some kind of effect?

Even if it doesn't, and his sperm is still pretty poorly or non-existant, I'll be safe in the knowledge I have the most wonderful, caring husband who wants a baby with his whole heart (and not, as all the books tell me, just because I do) and is willing to change his life in order to maximise the chances of it happening. I am very blessed. Lucky me indeed!