In Dreamtime

The strangest part of this whole rollercoaster ride is how some months my convictions are so strong I interpret every little twitch or tiny cramp in my belly to be a sign, every profound moment in the woods looking at the sunlight through the leaves to be a momentary connection between the realms and spend my time cataloguing the aching boobs, regular toilet trips and slight nausea/tiredness/elation as evidence that this time it really truly is happening.
And then of course, that dreaded moment when the heaviness of my belly gets heavier and I go to the toilet and find out that yes, that's the dream over for this month (mental calculations of birthdays over as well and I can let go of the fact it might be a starsign I don't get on with so well!!). And however many times it happens, years and years of those 'oh...' moments, there are still some months when you just feel CONVINCED!

And so it was with this month. Even R was feeling a strange secret connection and knowledge (we tend to keep them from each other for protection). Both of us were secretly convinced that the acupuncture would be like dah-dah! and magic us a pregnancy instantly! (I desperately wanted this to be the case anyway but particularly because R's mum told us it was all 'goobledegook' and a complete waste of our money, which hit me rather hard and surprised me by how wounded I felt - it somewhat negates my whole line of work if she feels that way. I thought it would be rather brill if we got pregnant straight away so we could be able to say 'yes, there is something in it'. But if she just did a bit of research she'd realise that soon enough.)

I've felt very insular this cycle and a little overwhelmed by the demands of my work - pregnant and new mums needing my support. Rather enjoying my dream time and spending lots of delicious hours in the Land of Nod. Had a wonderful dream last night that we had a little brown-haired baby girl with R's ridiculously long lashes. I was putting into practise a couple of things I'd learnt about just recently including baby-led breastfeeding (where the baby seeks out the breast and latches themselves) and it was all going perfectly and I felt blissed out on hormones then totally low on them but I think that was because I was trying to show my new baby to my family and Reality was crashing the party somewhat and revealing that she didn't yet exist....and then I woke up...

Every time I have one of these lucid dreams of our babylovedeliciousspiritbeing I feel a little closer, that they are communicating with us, getting nearer to us. I dreamt ('nightmared') a week ago about a mother having to give up her daughter for adoption because she couldn't care for her and in this frightened blonde child in my dream, I saw and heard lots of children who need love and tenderness and I wrote in my journal after that maybe that is a future child, however they may come to us....we're all on a journey somewhere and our paths cross in Dreamspace. I wonder how and when they will cross in 'Realtime'?