It's been so long since I wrote a post on here I toyed with not doing it at all. But I was reading my friend's new blog about bringing her adorable new daughter home from hospital and it reminded me how much I got out of writing my own blog. I started a few others over the last year but it was this one that provided an outlet for my feelings on all the ups and downs of the past five years. So I'm back!!
R and I have moved to the most incredible house... perched on a cliff with panoramic views of the sea. Truly an incredible place to wake up every day and we thank our lucky stars. It's not an easy kind of life - we don't have mains electricity so rely on sporadic wind and solar power and hundreds upon hundreds of candles! Which is rather romantic actually. And we don't have mains heating or hot water so we rely on a big old-fashioned coal-powered range and wood burner and freeze the rest of the time! When we wake in the morning, the cold takes your breath away. But then you go through to the kitchen and there's the sea, majestic and vast and too incredible for words. In stormy weather (of which there's been rather a lot lately!) the waves go up and over the house, and thump up against the sea wall, making the foundations of the house shake. It is truly elemental and like nothing I've ever experienced before. So the change in our lives has been extraordinary, and unexpected, and fun. And wow, the sense of space after living on a boat! Here we have so much room to spread out. We also have a spare bedroom which leads me on to my next piece of news...
We've - finally - started the adoption process! We attempted to start it last year just as we were moving onto the boat but were dropped like hot potatoes by our local authority when they found out about our new living arrangements. So, when we moved here in August, we got in touch with a new adoption agency and they conducted their first home study. We were nervous about what they would say about the house but they seemed confident we could make it a special place for a child to grow up. It's a slow process -we first got in touch in August and it took them until October to offer us a place on an introductory meeting. Then the first home visit, when we frantically cleaned and put up photos everywhere of us being super aunty and uncle with our nieces and godchildren! After this meeting, they told us we would have to wait until Jan for the next adoption workshops to start and we were despondant and low after that. It took it out of us a bit, all the probing and questioning and the sense that, basically, they were looking for the stuff that was 'wrong' rather than what was right, going through our whole life histories up to this point and pulling apart episodes from tumultuous teen years. But I know we have to be prepared for that as that meeting was only the beginning and the home study will go in much deeper. And, shortly after, we received the initial meeting write-up which we had to check and send back and we were really touched by all the little things the social worker noticed about us as a couple and who we were. Yes, there's some big stuff from our pasts but they did temper it with all the things we have done since then and how close we are etc. We were ridiculously excited to get the report and have been so since then. It really feels like it's happening now and I have this crazy wild idea that I can't shake that somehow 2012 will be our year. Imagining being a parent this time next year, and preparing for Christmas, sends me into frenzies of excitement!
We're well aware that it won't neccessarily be an easy ride - they said to us that they're not just looking for parents, 'but special parents' and there are all the reasons why children need to be adopted - the abuse, neglect, drug problems etc. And then there's the interaction with the birth families and how that might feel, for both us and our child. But nonetheless, I feel like this will be the most wonderful journey and we will relish being parents so much after the ups and downs to get here - what an incredible blessing it will be when we finally get to bring our child home! My best friend is adopted and she sent me the most wonderful email from Africa, where she works running a children's hostel. This is a little bit of it that made my heart feel full:
'Even though that might seem very scary for you, I also know that you and R convey a strength that I don't think I see in anyone but my parents. Your relationship is built on an energy that reaches out to all around you. I'm in awe of the life you have made for yourselves, it's so intoxicating and full of happiness and health, in more ways that one. I don't just mean 'health' in its most obvious form, but god the laughter and the knowing-ness that you guys know whatever happens things will work out well. That's also health, a healthy approach to life. Your extended family too, will be a huge contribution to the whole decision and process. I love the connection you all have, and others see this too, just show them a few family videos! They will support this whole process and what joy it will bring everyone! I don't remember myself but I'm often told of what a joyous time it was when I suddenly arrived, so wanted, for all around my family it was apparently a time of huge happiness. You deserve this, and you'll make the most wonderful mum! O my gosh! Can I have some of that please! Your entire approach to life will rub off on those little souls, as it does to all around you, and they will bathe in that like happy little growing pockets of joy.'
On that beautiful note from a dear and special friend I'll end this post. I hope you're all doing well whatever is happening in your respective lives. I think I'll catch up on some of your blogs now! I'll keep you updated as we go along...watch this space!
