Sunday, 15 July 2012
Approved by the big bad panel
Just wanted to check in - briefly - and say hooray, hooray, we were approved! Our whirlwind week now over and some of the dust settling but lawks, has it thrown up some crazy emotional stuff for me...been a proper waterworks for a few days and trying to regain some sort of sense of self away from all the endless endless bureaucracy. More on that - a lot more on that - in another post, but just wanted to drop by and say it is going to happen. We are going to adopt a child.
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
Panel in a few hours...
Leaving in an hour to go to panel. Amazing that we've got here and that this is the culmination of a year's interviewing and learning. We're excited and surprisingly not as nervous as we thought we'd be but we'll see what emotions cook up when we're waiting to go in! We have a list of all the panel members, including photos, and nobody looks/seems too terrifying. Going to eat a big lunch now and then spend a little quiet time reflecting and preparing. Having read through our PAR form again today, it seems extraordinary that all 11 panel members have read it, and know everything there is to know about us...
After today, if all goes well, we can move on from talking about us and get on with talking about our son, and that's the bit we're relishing the most.
(Oh, and I'm relishing seeing my husband dressed in an outfit of suit trousers and shirt rather than his usual scruffy t-shirt and shorts! He just walked past saying; 'I feel like I'm going to a wedding!'!!!)
Wish us luck!
After today, if all goes well, we can move on from talking about us and get on with talking about our son, and that's the bit we're relishing the most.
(Oh, and I'm relishing seeing my husband dressed in an outfit of suit trousers and shirt rather than his usual scruffy t-shirt and shorts! He just walked past saying; 'I feel like I'm going to a wedding!'!!!)
Wish us luck!
Monday, 9 July 2012
Our gurgling, smiling, laughing boy
Wow wow wow, what a week! Yesterday we had my niece's 'Coming of Age' 13th birthday celebration - all her family gathered in her garden in a circle to give her their wishes for the future and to guide her under a human arch and through a beautiful arbour her dad had made - the first steps to womanhood. This was incredibly emotional, I can still remember lying my head on my sister's bump 13 years ago and talking to my niece in utero. Now she is this incredibly funny, bright, witty, wise and articulate beauty, and she literally makes my heart surge with love. What an honour it is to witness children growing up. Yesterday felt special because my sister took time to create a ceremony to mark this transition and it gave all of us the chance to stop and reflect and honour this beautiful being.
Today, we met our little boy's social worker for the first time. We'd got up at six am to blitz the house (it was a crazy mess as we'd both made gifts for my niece - R a table and a candleholder and me some knitted wrist warmers and an embroidered shawl - and there was literally stuff EVERYWHERE!) and she arrived with our SW at 9am. She was warm and friendly from the off, and we liked her immediately. We further warmed to her when she made a big fuss of our dog. She seemed to 'get' us, our lifestyle choices, why we have created such a simple life so we can pursue our creative interests. She also understood our choices about living in nature and getting outside every day, and not having TV or other distractions to our time together. We have frequently met with questioning and incredulity about our lifestyle, and it felt so affirming for someone to just understand us in this really compassionate way without us having to explain ourselves 100 times. She understood that we chose this way of life because of how we wanted to bring up our children, and how important it was to us that they had a really hands-on, playful, nurturing, outdoorsy, warm kind of childhood with both of us sharing parenting and plenty of time for reading by the fire, cooking together, growing veg together, going on walks, playing endless games, rockpooling, camping...all the fun things we share with our nieces and have envisaged for our own children. So - WOOO HOOOO - she understands us! Which made us feel buzzy and happy.
Then we watched a video of the little guy. I can't really explain what this felt like. Those of you who've been there will know the enormous and overwhelming rush of love, the tears, the laughter, the urge to reach into the computer screen and just touch - to draw your future child to you. It's an extraordinary experience, like being Tiny Tim and looking in at cosy windows, but with the knowledge that soon this will be the face you wake up to, this will be the gurgling laughter that will light up your lives, this will be the little body you dress and hold close, this little person will grow up with you as mum and dad. I'm still emotional when I think about it. Just seeing him laugh when he's tickled, and playing thoughtfully with his toys and gazing at the camera and pulling at his toes - it made it all so amazingly, mind-blowingly real. His SW let us watch the video several times as she needed to take it away after, but we will get a copy hopefully this week. I can tell we will watch it permanently!
Off to panel on Wednesday...then meeting his foster carers on Friday.
Today, we met our little boy's social worker for the first time. We'd got up at six am to blitz the house (it was a crazy mess as we'd both made gifts for my niece - R a table and a candleholder and me some knitted wrist warmers and an embroidered shawl - and there was literally stuff EVERYWHERE!) and she arrived with our SW at 9am. She was warm and friendly from the off, and we liked her immediately. We further warmed to her when she made a big fuss of our dog. She seemed to 'get' us, our lifestyle choices, why we have created such a simple life so we can pursue our creative interests. She also understood our choices about living in nature and getting outside every day, and not having TV or other distractions to our time together. We have frequently met with questioning and incredulity about our lifestyle, and it felt so affirming for someone to just understand us in this really compassionate way without us having to explain ourselves 100 times. She understood that we chose this way of life because of how we wanted to bring up our children, and how important it was to us that they had a really hands-on, playful, nurturing, outdoorsy, warm kind of childhood with both of us sharing parenting and plenty of time for reading by the fire, cooking together, growing veg together, going on walks, playing endless games, rockpooling, camping...all the fun things we share with our nieces and have envisaged for our own children. So - WOOO HOOOO - she understands us! Which made us feel buzzy and happy.
Then we watched a video of the little guy. I can't really explain what this felt like. Those of you who've been there will know the enormous and overwhelming rush of love, the tears, the laughter, the urge to reach into the computer screen and just touch - to draw your future child to you. It's an extraordinary experience, like being Tiny Tim and looking in at cosy windows, but with the knowledge that soon this will be the face you wake up to, this will be the gurgling laughter that will light up your lives, this will be the little body you dress and hold close, this little person will grow up with you as mum and dad. I'm still emotional when I think about it. Just seeing him laugh when he's tickled, and playing thoughtfully with his toys and gazing at the camera and pulling at his toes - it made it all so amazingly, mind-blowingly real. His SW let us watch the video several times as she needed to take it away after, but we will get a copy hopefully this week. I can tell we will watch it permanently!
Off to panel on Wednesday...then meeting his foster carers on Friday.
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
Becoming real...
A whirlwind of activity forecast! Next Monday we are meeting our little boy's social worker for the first time. She is coming here to our off-grid cliff-top home and quite what she'll make of it is anybody's guess but one thing you can say, for an adventurous little boy it's a pretty exciting place to grow up - acres of countryside all around, the sea to swim in, a pebbly beach and loads of rockpools at the end of the garden, a huge veg garden and a river to row in with Dad. But it does get cold in winter and we rely on candlelight and a range to heat our water - hey, you can't have it all!;)
On Wednesday 11th we have our panel date (our SW is coming tomorrow to talk through the finer points with us - what not to say etc! I'm worried that my nervous gabbing habit will land us in trouble so am planning to keep schtum unless someone asks me a pertinent question like, how come you two are so crazily poor? Eeeek, SW says our finances 'might well come up'.)
On Friday 13th - unlucky for some but amazingly lucky for us - we get to meet our little boy's foster carers for the first time. This makes me feel like a weepy and excitable Weeble toy - we will get to ask them questions about someone so unbelievably precious to us and he will begin to grow in our minds and hearts.
His SW is also going to bring a video of him when she comes to meet us. This makes us deliriously excited too - isn't it incredible, amazing, awe-inspiring how deeply and completely you can fall in love - hook, line and sinker - with someone you've never met? We've seen 5 pictures of him and read the things he likes doing (drinking milk, playing with his shoes and socks off - that's my boy!) and already he is precious to us, too precious to even convey in words.
It keeps making me think of that Velveteen Rabbit story, that by believing in this little person so much we are manifesting him all around us...each day he comes closer, becomes more real, a part of our lives.
On Friday 13th - unlucky for some but amazingly lucky for us - we get to meet our little boy's foster carers for the first time. This makes me feel like a weepy and excitable Weeble toy - we will get to ask them questions about someone so unbelievably precious to us and he will begin to grow in our minds and hearts.
His SW is also going to bring a video of him when she comes to meet us. This makes us deliriously excited too - isn't it incredible, amazing, awe-inspiring how deeply and completely you can fall in love - hook, line and sinker - with someone you've never met? We've seen 5 pictures of him and read the things he likes doing (drinking milk, playing with his shoes and socks off - that's my boy!) and already he is precious to us, too precious to even convey in words.
It keeps making me think of that Velveteen Rabbit story, that by believing in this little person so much we are manifesting him all around us...each day he comes closer, becomes more real, a part of our lives.
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